The Court Jester

Wednesday Oct 5th, 2005 was a beautiful day. So nice in fact that while sitting in my office, looking out the window into a bright blue sky I realized in about 6 hours it would be a perfect PATIO NIGHT!

One problem (two actually, you’ll see why later): It was already noon by the time I decided to send the below email communication to approximately 90 of my friends, colleagues and close customers. I had to act quickly if a decent turn out was to be expected.

TO: [A MAILING LIST OF 90 PEOPLE]
FROM: Ben Lucier
SUBJECT: Jack Astor’s patio tonight – Nerds invited too.

*** LAST MINUTE PATIO PARTY @ JACK ASTOR’S ON FRONT STREET ***

I’ve already spoken with some of you by phone about tonight… here are the details:

Jack Astor’s huge patio is located at University and Front Street (144 Front St. W, 416.585.2121). The patio is huge and the food is really good (be quiet Sam). A bunch of us are planning to meet at 5:30/6:00pm to have some drinks and maybe a bite to eat. I promise the game will be on inside as well for all you sports fanatics.

I apologize for the very short notice, but there won’t be much time left in the season for us to get together on nice days and socialize so stop being a procrastinator (ahem Mark Segal) and come on out.

Many of you won’t be able to make it given the short notice, but if I didn’t send this email out today, we’ll still be talking about getting together next season.

Hope to see you tonight! Reply to this email if you’re coming so I can keep an eye out for you. My cell is also below if you need directions.

Ben

I know for many of you, this explanation is elementary… but bear with me, for it’s important that any techie challenged readers understand the double edged sword that is the “REPLY TO ALL” button.

Yes, that’s right… one of the recipients of my email, in an act of technical ignorance and utter disregard for the unwritten rules of email etiquette hit his “REPLY TO ALL” button in his Hotmail inbox. Now I’m not going to name names (Ryan Neal Lucier, my younger brother), but this individual’s email contained material that some members of the clergy would say warrants a first class, express train ticket to Hell. How bad could it be you ask? Read on…

TO: THE SAME MAILING LIST OF 90 PEOPLE
FROM: Ryan Lucier
SUBJECT: RE: Jack Astor’s patio tonight – Nerds invited too.

hey slapnuts, thanks for the invite, but i’ll be in godforsaken windsor until monday; give Carol a nice ‘how’s your father’ for me though.

you better beat your ass to Windsor for thxgiving on Sunday too or mom is gonna pistol whip you.

i’m going to meet up with Reid and his huge scrotum (he just had a six pound abcess removed from it).

i’ll call you tomorrow but i gotta jet, i’m about to eat the ass out of a rhino.

it’s funny, i didn’t think nerds called each other nerds.

ryan

Is your mouth gaping open right now in utter disbelief? Yes, this email actually went to 90 people that I have relationships with… many of them professional relationships.

You know what was great fun? When some of my colleagues and customers arrived and said “Hey slapnuts! How are ya?”. Although I did not know about my brother’s email, after the 10th “Hey Slapnuts” something smelled rotten. Not being near a computer, a friend was kind enough to end the pain for me and show me exactly what my brother had broadcast to the group.

A valuable lesson for me indeed. Let all of you be warned…. Pic of my good looking, but no brains brother is to the right of this paragraph…. good luck with this one ladies.